REAL TALK REAL MOMS: FINDING YOUR CONFIDENCE

I never had to think about finding confidence in being a friend, a daughter or a spouse, but for some reason, finding confidence when I assumed the role of a mother was a struggle in the beginning. I deeply understood that my children were 100% dependent upon me to provide for their needs. Talk about intimidating! Social media pressure, peer pressure and familial pressure are much smaller fish compared to the reality of the responsibility of parenthood. And now more than ever, we are aware that our parenting choices condition our children to a certain extent and have lasting effects on their development (thank you science and research). So, how have I found confidence in my parenting along the way? Well, it's a combination of things:

1. My confidence isn't in myself, but in God. I believe that my children are a gift from God, created by God for His purposes. My children are really God's children entrusted to me to nurture them in the wisdom and love of Him. I try my best, I pray for my kids and at the end of the day I know that God loves them even more than I do (I can hardly imagine that). That gives me so much peace. 

2. I lean on God for wisdom in knowing my kids and what's best for them. There are many days where I feel like I don't know how to navigate my daughter's emotions or my son's health battles, but I believe that the discernment I have (that gut intuition) is really God guiding my heart and mind to the right decisions for my kids. There's nothing too small that I pray for either...from praying my kids would take naps to praying we would find the right doctors to choosing a school, I surrender it all. That, of course, doesn't mean I don't make a ton of mistakes because I sure make a lot of those. But I also know that when I make mistakes it's because I'm acting out of a bad place or not really thinking with wisdom. And, I also know that there is forgiveness and grace for me with the mistakes I made because of my beliefs. Knowing that makes me feel free and confident whereas aiming for perfectionism fills me with anxiety and fear. 

3. I surround myself with encouraging mothers. I have dear friends with kids that are the same age as mine and women who are now grandmothers. They are all supportive and encouraging people that have been in my shoes, and that's a comfort. They don't judge me when I share my mistakes, but they also don't let me keep making them. They encourage me through it, and I do the same for them (at least I'd like to think so). 

4. I set up boundaries with people that shame me for my choices. I'm always open to hearing feedback from people on other ways to approach problems or struggles. But, if I find people that continue to voice their opposing opinion over and over and over again in a shaming, passive aggressive or condescending way I set up a boundary. This has been a challenge for me, and I'm still trying to navigate it. Something that has helped is visualizing a rope surrounding me and creating a physical barrier that they cannot cross. The people that support me are on the inside of the circle and the others that don't are on the outside. Honestly, it helps me feel more free as I parent and make choices when I'm temped to people please. 

5. I remember that no parent has it 100% figured out and every child is different. I have especially found this to be true after having a second child and realizing what worked for Elle doesn't always work for Levi. Just knowing that alone has made me take everything parents say with a grain of salt. What works for their kid isn't always what is going to work for mine. At the end of the day, I just have to do what works for my family.

6. If my kids make bad choices that doesn't mean I'm a bad parent. We cannot control our children. We can guide them the best that we can, but I cannot make Elle's choices for her. So, when she makes bad choices I try to remember the blame isn't all on me. Of course, I try to work with her on making the right ones for the future, but coming to this realization earlier than later is vital to holding confidence as a parent. I know many mothers that deal with toxic shame when their child has turned to drugs or made other unfortunate decisions, and that shame can eat at you far beyond confidence as a parent but as a person all together The only thing you can control is yourself. That's it. And all you can do is your best. That's it. Surrender the rest. 

I would love to hear what has helped you find your confidence as a parent, and be sure to read thoughts from other mamas in this series: The Effortless Chic, Design for Mankind, A Daily Something; The Fresh Exchange, The Sweetest Occasion, Apartment 34, Oh Lovely Day, Design Addict Mom, The LIfe Styled 

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

END THE SCREEN TIME BATTLE

Raising your kids in the 21st century means that you will eventually have to confront how to handle technology in your home and answer questions such as, "Should my kid have an iPad? How much T.V. should they watch? Which shows are appropriate for their age?" etc. There are many thoughts on this issue, but one thing that we can all agree on is that at some point kids will need to learn how to use tablets and computers and learn how to be responsible with their usage. It's inevitable. 

Ryan and I both have jobs that rely on the latest apps and technology. You could say that way are early adapters. In fact, much of our home is automated using things like nest, Google Home, Alexa, Sonos and more. Our belief is that interacting with technology at an early age can greatly benefit their development and literacy, but it all depends on finding the right apps, the right shows and being a part of their screen time. 

We have an iPad that our kids use. It's password protected and it's monitored. They are never allowed to be alone with an iPad and they must ask permission. They also know their way around Alexa and Google Home, so at any given time you can find them asking to play music. Technology is something that they have come to love as well. 

Some of the apps that we love for Elle (age 4.5) in particular are:

- The OSMO app. It's ground-breaking technology that allows kids to use their creativity and fine-motor skills to draw, write and even code. What they create on the white pad is then brought to life by the app in real time and put into a story. It's incredible, and it's something Elle begs to do all of the time. 

- Monkey Preschool Lunch Box is another app that Elle started using at 3 years old. It really helped her learn shapes and colors. At the completion of every round you get to collect a sticker. That was always Elle's favorite part. 

- Bible for Kids app. It's an audio book for kids that reads to them Bible stories along with animation. It asks questions at the end of each story to help with reading comprehension as well. We love doing this together. 

- Infant Zoo is an app that both of my kids loved when they were babies. It works kind of like a rattle and makes animal noises. It's a very simple app, which is refreshing.

Our kids are allowed to watch T.V. Some days they will watch more than others. We try to keep it to just two hours of screen time day (one hour in the morning and one hour before bed). The shows that we love for our kids are:

- Storybots - a really funny educational show where robots ask big questions like,"Why is the sky blue or where do french fries come from." It's so funny that I love watching it with them. 

- High Five - It's a sing and dance along show that's not animated. Levi loves to dance with it and it's very educational. You can find it on Netflix. 

- Justin Time - An animated show where the character travels back in time and teaches kids about the history of the world and different cultures. 

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I guess you could say there really isn't a battle over the screen. We fully embrace technology and let our kids interact with it throughout their day. There's so much good to be found in letting technology be a part of your kids' lives. 

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

GIRL ROOM UPDATE

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When we moved into this house we assigned bedrooms to the kids based on size and proximity to our room. We put Elle the furthest away because she can be a bit of a light sleeper and it seemed like the quietest spot in the house (click to see Elle's original room). What we didn't factor in was that her room was the hottest of the bunch. It's above our garage and three of the four walls are exposed to sun. In the 100 degree temps it heats up pretty quickly. She had been complaining it was too hot at night, so we decided to switch her to our upstairs guest room. 

Though I loved her room the way it was her furniture worked perfectly with the pineapple wallpaper in the guest room. The pink flowers printed on the wall are the exact shade of pink as her duvet cover. And to my surprise, Elle loves this room even more than her previous one. She said it feels cozy. Music to my ears!

We hung up art work above her bed, kept her steamer trunks as a side table and used the marble and brass bookcase to store all of her books. I love how girly and feminine it looks together. It really is perfect for a little girl.

STYLED BY MY DAUGHTER

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This post is sponsored by Vince Camuto.

Elle has been watching me style models, homes and myself since she was born. Starting at the age of three she has been telling she wants to be a makeup artist and stylist (and a police officer). So, with the help of Vince Camuto, I surprised Elle with a chance to style me head to toe. I, of course, gave her a bit of guidance, and she sure stretched my comfort zone.

There were so many beautiful things for Elle to choose from. It was like a kid in a candy store (like mother like daughter). I don't know if it was the warm weather or purely her love of swimming that made her choose a bathing suit for me, but that's what she really wanted me to wear. She thought a bikini would be best, and so then I had to explain that one pieces were my favorite (a.k.a. I'm not ready to strut my stuff in front of the world in a bikini).

Elle selected a white one piece. I would have gone for the black or navy, but she is the style expert. I was pleasantly surprised how much I liked white. It makes me look more tan, and now I have a great suit for the summertime. It can be worn multiple ways by detaching the strap or using the center halter strap. 

I did encourage her to pick out these striped linen pants though. I needed something to cover my backside. I'm not quite ready to reveal all to y'all. Besides, these pants are too cute to pass up.

Elle picked out a tassel necklace, gold hoop earrings, sunglasses (blue for Elsa), a scarf and a hat. When it came time to pick out shoes she went straight for high heels (oh boy). I rarely wear heels and my size 11 feet have a hard time finding ones that fit. Not to mention the combo of high heels and a swimsuit isn't really the message I want to send out at 33 years old. So, I gently steered her in the direction of flats and she thought the tassels on these thong sandals were fun. I love them too.

When it came time to put it all together I thought she was going to ask for me to wear every accessory. She surprised me though. She really wanted me to wear the necklace and the scarf. Unfortunately, the headscarf wouldn't stay on because she doesn't know how to tie anything quite yet. But she sure was proud of picking out my bathing suit and accessories.

I also took the opportunity to style the pieces Elle selected my own way. I think she was on to something with the bathing suit. When i wear it with pants it reminds me of a trendy bodysuit. You can easily throw an off-the-shoulder top on over it and go about your day. It's the perfect transitional look for the beach. 

I styled mine with some earrings and sunglasses. Less is more they say, well, unless you're a four year old girl. Then more is more. ;) To get this whole head to toe look be sure to shop the post below.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer; This post contains affiliate links.

MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS

This post is sponsored by Shane Co. 

Fine jewelry is a gift that you keep for a lifetime. That's why it makes such a great gift for special occasions like Mother's Day. I already save every piece of art my kids make, so you better believe I will be save every piece of jewelry they give me. The same goes for gifts from my husband. Fine jewelry is the ultimate symbol of telling someone they are special and worth it, and so I've partnered with Shane Co. to share with your pieces from their Mother's Day collection that communicate value and love for all moms. 

A locket is a timeless piece of jewelry that lasts generations. Being able to put photos of your loved ones inside and wear it close to your chest is beautiful. I love this silver locket because of its simplicity. You could easily wear it every day. It has one tiny diamond for some sparkle and space on the back for engraving. I wore my locket with a long crochet top and jeans, and I loved it!

ID bracelets are another timeless piece of jewelry that gets passed down generations. I particularly love Shane Co.'s design because it's adjustable for any size wrist. The tassels that hang down can be worn as the front or back of the bracelet, and the heart detail is lovely. 

You could also engrave this piece of jewelry with a special date, phrase or your kid's names if you wanted to. Personalizing jewelry with something like that makes it much more special to a mother don't you think? 

I styled my ID bracelet with a stack of three rings on my ring finger. A diamond one for Ryan, a gold and diamond ring for Elle and a gold midi ring for Levi. Ring stacks are still very popular, and for a trendier statement midi rings in particular are a great choice. 

If you love color, birthstones are an excellent way to personalize your special gift and add some personality to your collection.  Both of my babies were born in September. Their birthstones are peridots, but I don't wear green too much. So, for someone like me that is more of a color minimalist, I suggest trying blue topaz. I love this topaz tennis bracelet that is adjustable and the light blue goes with denim easily. You can dress this piece up or down. I dressed it down by adding a simple silver bangle to it.

Rings and bracelets can sometimes be a challenge to purchase when you don't know a person's wrist size. So, when in doubt, go for a necklace. This gold and diamond circle necklace is probably my favorite piece out of the whole Mother's Day collection. I have one in rose gold, but I also love this gold and diamond piece too. I wear my circle necklace every day, and I love that it symbolizes eternity. The love I have for my children is truly eternal, and this necklace is something any mom would be proud to wear daily just because of the message alone. The design is a stunner too.

And for the ultimate gesture, a beautiful cocktail ring will always make a woman swoon. Every woman needs a statement cocktail ring in their jewelry box. This would hands down be my choice. 

Be sure to visit Shane Co. for your next fine jewelry purchase. They guarantee quality and service every time, and they truly have beautiful pieces every woman would love.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer.