THIRTY-THREE

The end of 33. I crossed miles of desert to stand where I began. A California girl coming back home. My feet touched the waters edge, the golden sun lit up the sky and the breeze blew through me.

What lies behind me is a story of perseverance, pain, destruction, and death, and what lies before me has always been and will always be hope.

Mile after mile, day after day, I crawled, walked, ran and was carried through the dirt. All that has kept me going through this year was the hope that being deserted in a desert surely couldn’t be the end, and I wouldn’t let it be the end. I would rather die. And if I died, I my soul wouldn’t settle for that either. It would only be a door to more. I just knew it in my bones, and I was right.

Resurrection was waiting for me on the other side of surrender. New life, new beauty, new perspective, new heart, new mind, new family, new dreams.

Much was taken from me, but more was given back. This is holy ground.

I have no formula for walking through divorce. It’s a different path for everyone. But I will tell you the only answer is surrender. You can’t white knuckle this and you can’t do it on your own. You can try like I did, but hope in your own power is a mirage that will fade.

It was by falling face down that I stood up. What was meant for destruction God used for restoration. And not just replacing knowing I am a good wife and mom. Oh no! Wounds that go deep from childhood were healed. Anything that challenged the notion that I wasn’t worthy of love, beautiful, significant, sexy, wild, fun...All of it was redeemed.

You are staring at a woman I have never seen before yet was made this way. You are seeing a heart that knows no darkness anymore only light.

And the biggest gift of all was eliminating any doubt that God is for me not against me.

This is no esoteric bullshit. There is no guy filling a void behind the scenes. I still wipe butts alone. I still work two jobs. Plenty of challenges to come, but any flames will only refine me further. That I am sure of.

“But Alex if you only knew what happened...” Trust me, friend, I know. ❤️ But you will rise. 🔥Take these photos as proof. 33 you are my favorite year. 34, see you tomorrow. 

**Amazing photography by Megan Nicole Photo. Book your resurrection shoot with her stat!**