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December 29, 2009

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December 29, 2009/ Alexandra Evjen

December 29, 2009/ Alexandra Evjen/ Comment
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Alexandra Evjen

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Inspiration and ideas by stylist Alexandra on fashion, jewelry, beauty, lifestyle, home décor and more…

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It felt weird to tell myself I was beautiful. I was at some sort of conference or talk, and the speaker asked everyone to turn to the person next to us, and rather than compliment our neighbor to compliment ourselves out loud. “I am beautiful,” I said, but it just didn’t reign true in my soul at the time and it felt awkwardly boastful. Being someone that has been in front of the camera and a stylist for years, I have learned which poses make my body look flattering, what colors, what light, what filters...But even with all of those things you can still feel ugly. And, sadly, it just distorts what beauty is for other women. So, today, I’m partnering with @dove to show you #realbeauty. This photo as a “No Digital Distortion” mark on it. Meaning that I haven’t been airbrushed or altered in anyway. This is straight out of the camera, melasma, fine lines, fly-aways and all. This is me, and I feel and know I am beautiful because my heart feels beautiful now. #takingbackinstagram #DovePartner #nofilter #nodigitaldistortion PC by @thelaurenstyle
“I don’t want anyone to pity me,”I said to my aunt nervously as I headed to the my first wedding and saw my entire family since the divorce. “I just want to have fun, dance and celebrate,” I said. But when I saw the bride come down the aisle, my body, mind and heart remembered what it felt like to walk in a wedding dress, recite vows, and hear Mr. and Mrs. for the first time. And simultaneously, I felt more single than ever as I was ushered to the stage when the MC said, “All single ladies to the dance floor,” and saw “Ms. Alexandra” on my seating assignment and wondered if someone was going to ask me to dance during a slow song as the couples rushed the dance floor. I knew both sides in my bones. It was strange. // In three months, I have the honor of officiating my first wedding.😊️🙌🏻 “Are you sure you want a divorced person marrying you?” I asked overjoyed and with a side of shame. “Of course! Who better?!,” my cousin said. And it wasn’t until this weekend I realized and believed why. I have a rare gift to know what it is like before marriage, in marriage and the loss of marriage. I know what it’s like to part before death and to know what happens when those vows are not upheld. And I realized perhaps the greatest defenders, protectors, champions, and lovers of love are those that have lost it. I have the unique perspective that makes me my friends’ families biggest cheerleader of all. So, if you know a divorced person never pity them. Instead, learn from their mistakes and experience, and let them cheer you on. Let them love on you. Let them talk you off the ledge when you think being alone is better. Let them remind you of those vows you once said and the fracture that happens when you don’t honor them. Let them watch your kids for dates or even help with your business so you have time to go one more dates. Let them use their superpowers to defend your love because they have lost theirs. And, maybe take them for a spin on the dance floor once in awhile.
Up until recently, I always seemed to find a rational explanation behind every seemingly serendipitous moment. But after the craziness that was my trip to Encinitas, I have just seen things that have zero explanation other than God (or the universe or who/whatever you want to call it). And I must say, it sure makes life SO much more fun and adventurous with eyes wide open to the beautiful, intricate timing of these seconds, minutes and hours that lead us to connection. Whether it’s a text message or traveling to a state and finding a friend from Phoenix (like what happened with @samstandard in my IG stories today) or finding out that your work is sending you back to the sleepy beach town of Encinitas because a beer company is based there that you have been tasked to film. 😂🤩 Or...and this one is crazy...Getting a call the night before you leave on a trip from a friend in crisis needing a place to stay for a couple days so she can collect her thoughts and having the perfect solution because you are gonna be gone for the next 4...And what is even crazier is that exactly (to the week) one year before I was frantically looking for a place to crash because my husband asked for a divorce and she lent me her home while she was on vacation for four days. 😳How crazy that a friend that I am not even that close with would love on me in that way and then EXACTLY one year later I would serve her in the same exact way??!?!??! 🙃✨ Coincidence? I think not. Divine appointment is more like it. Timing is everything, and that’s why in seasons of waiting and anticipation like the one I am in now I lean into the assurances that I know in my soul...God’s timing is perfect, nothing is wasted, and all things work together for the good whether you get to see it in your lifetime or not. 📸 @megnicolephoto #lifeisbeautiful PS check out the last photo. Meg’s timing was so perfect. 😂
Love embraced becomes love extended. If you are with someone whose love is only coming from your validation you are on rocky ground holding a lot of responsibility. Likewise, if your only source of love is from someone else you are giving a lot of power away. These, unfortunately, are truths I have learned the hardest way. But through healing and practice and resetting and rooting love in the Source of all love, I have felt such freedom and been able to love freely now. Not perfect, but not reaching empty anymore. Which brings me to a point I want to make about dating and Christianity and religion, etc...I gotta be honest and say the church really screwed up my view of dating and marriage - like ROYALLY screwed it up. Every girl in youth group including myself had a checklist of what they wanted their ideal husband to be like. I think I could even dig mine up in the garage right now. We looked for church attendance, being nice to their moms, coming from a good family, helping others, being a “leader” (incorrectly interpreted as taking charge and doing cool stuff)...None of these things are necessarily bad, but unfortunately we were never told to first look at the heart. Because the truth is you can find a lot of really good people out there doing good things and who look really awesome, but it always comes down to the motives behind the actions. ALWAYS. Are they doing things for validation and affirmation or are they extending love because of the unconditional love they know? In the interactions I have had with men this year it’s apparent to me that I need to throw any checklist out the window right now and first discern the heart. There are some hearts of gold out there whose lives haven’t lived up to checklist standards & there are some that have both, and, yet, there are some that aren’t whole and still seeking it. Perfection is never a realistic expectation of any human, but a check mark for a loving heart is. Good, whole hearts exist. Don’t settle for less. @thelaurenstyle

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